As far back as I can remember I had always been struggling with weight. Ever since my college years I lived in yo-yo patterns. I innocently knew I have spent much too time criticizing how I look, (often repeating patterns from others that I experienced throughout much of my early life). All the bullying and cruel words took quite a toll on my self-esteem and the confidence I had with myself and my body. Does this sound familiar to you? It doesn’t have to be bullying, it can be another form of pain and hurt that occurred in your life, and it still there showing up as extra emotional weight which many times=physical weight.
Fast forward 59 years later, I have spent many hours reading books, taking courses, attending events, repeating affirmations, and doing my best to hold positive thoughts about my body image. It feels as though I have exhausted every possibility, limiting belief, negative thought, family karma, and inherited ancestral baggage, not to mention exhaustive research about genes/biology and its effect on the body.
I eat very healthy, mostly organic food and drink, and, I avoid preservatives, additives and processing in food. I exercise 4-5 times per week and meditate with discipline.
I asked myself this question? Do I give up after all of these painstaking years of effort? No, not just yet…. I have always had a strong will to find out answers so I am determined to uncover this mystery.
I decided to pick up yet another book which, I will say, stands apart for other things I already have read. Being an avid Energy Medicine Practitioner I decided to visit the “EFT Approach”- one, which I’m very familiar with…To my surprise I was delighted to finally have an ah-ha moment. The tears ran down my face when this was revealed.
The words rang true from the pain of the past. I thought to myself, “didn’t I let go of this stuff years ago, apparently it’s still haunting me, ugh…”
Apparently, the emotional pain was deeply ingrained in my inner child, I guess it felt safer to protect her rather than sink down into painful feelings even though they were crying out loud to be acknowledged. As Oprah once said “Don’t let the whispers turn into screams.” And, that is exactly what they did.
The cold hard truth was: I didn’t allow myself to lose the weight because it just didn’t feel safe to do so. When I had my most shapely and sexy figure I was in high school and college. But now at 59 years of age I finally allowed the memories to be heard and they came flooding back to remind me of the horrendous bullying I had experienced in school and in the neighborhood- in fact our whole family was bullied. How could I find the strength to relive this again?? Did I actually buy into all of terrible lies? Apparently, I did.
I now choose to forgive everyone and everything so that I can be free of this suffering. Let me clearly state that it doesn’t mean I condone everyone’s despicable actions and words; it just means I wanted peace from the hurt and pain. So, I am freeing the negative memories and experiences. I am consciously choosing to forgive all experiences, including forgiving myself for buying into this B.S. I do it to liberate my heart into a happier, healthier way of being. I came to understand that at my young age I hadn’t developed enough emotional maturity, strength and resiliency that I do now, so I lived out most of my life with this painful past, haunting me.
In retrospect I it made me who I am today. Happy, Proud, Authentic, Empathetic and Peaceful day to day. I am much better able to cope and nourish myself with the words that I never heard from loved ones. Please remember to speak to yourself with kindness, gentleness and love, it will help you to move along life’s journey with confidence and courage. I now live free of regret, guilt, blame, resentment, etc.… As I have survived the past and truly understand that even the worst of circumstances are always here to help all of us develop into stronger, more resilient, compassionate beings; much better able to navigate life’s ups and downs.
Trauma can be devastating and when it is suppressed (unconsciously) it can reap difficulties throughout our life experiences. I came to realize how my history helped to cement beliefs that kept me in a place of needing to protect myself. My belief told me- that keeping on this extra weight would protect me from being judged, criticized, and demoralized. This was a complete misunderstanding, and it took me many years to get to the bottom of this…
Since I didn’t want to be the like the same perpetrators who caused so much pain, I had to approach my heart with tenderness, kindness, and self -love. Then with pen in hand I wrote down the reasons I felt the way I did and unknowingly to me words poured out onto the paper with tears of relief… now, ending the battle within myself.
I am para phrasing these words from the book the “Tapping Solution for Weight Loss and Body Confidence” by Jessica Ortner
I wanted to share this, and I hope it will provide to be helpful for others as it was for me…
“We often don’t realize how the weight is serving us, by allowing us to avoid emotional pain that we’re not comfortable facing. While on a conscious level we feel desperate to lose the weight, we’re often afraid to take steps forward; but when we do, we are often surprised by what we discover.” Everything I discovered I used as the EFT tapping sequences that I said out loud to let go of finally heal.”
This next sentence in the book shed the light and the breakthrough I was hoping for…“Ask yourself this question do you really want to care about what everyone else thinks at the expense of your own happiness?” I reread this sentence 3-4 times to fully digest it’s meaning.
Physical Weight has may ways it can manifest, my invitation to you is to explore and give yourself a break while doing so. Be honest, and be most willing to delve into your past. For some people it may be hard to do alone- so consider seeking the help of a professional to guide you through the deep waters and layers of emotional duress.
If I can do this, so can you- have faith, trust in the process and by all means be every so gentle with you heart, you’ve been through enough. Instead, might I suggest to unconditionally love yourself inside and out for that’s the road to emotional freedom and internal liberation. And, maybe even shedding not only emotion weigh,t but possibly some physical weight as well…